Thoughts on The Human Centipede

17 Dec

Lately it seems I can’t get away from the movie Human Centipede. It reportedly came out in 2010, but I’ve only heard of it recently. South Park’s season opener was titled Human CentiPad and Beavis and Butthead reviewed the movie in one of their recent episodes. The thought of a crazed doctor surgically attaching people butt-to-mouth absolutely disgusted me, but also fascinated me. I had to see this movie.

(I should probably add a disclaimer that I have horrible taste in movies and TV shows. A lot of my favorite shows revolve around child beauty pageants or polygamists, so you could say I’ve seen some sick things. Which reminds me, movie/TV show idea — a polygamist takes as many wives as he can so he can have as many children as possible enter pageants.)

When I saw Human Centipede was available instantly with my family’s Netflix subscription, I considered it fate and sat down to watch it yesterday. My dad watched most of it with me, equally disgusted in that but-I-can’t-look-away fashion, while my mom made me stop it whenever she entered the room, even when it was only at the “oh no, we’re just two American girls with a flat tire in Germany and oh no there’s no phone reception and look it’s starting to rain!” stereotypical horror movie beginning part.

I admit I didn’t have high expectations for the film, but I was disappointed. The ending was a cliff hanger in the not-good way, and there wasn’t really any surprises — the movie is about a crazed surgeon who attaches people butt-to-mouth, and that’s basically all you get. (I know, I know, what was I expecting?)

But out of the whole sick movie, this is what puzzled me — how badly is your acting career going that when your agent calls you and says, “Hey, I got a film for you. You’ll have to spend half of the movie screaming in fear and the other half muffled screaming because your mouth will be attached to another actor’s butt. Another actor’s mouth may also be attached to your butt. Oh, and you’ll also have to be topless for most of the film. Interested?” And you say “Yes! When does filming start?”

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