Where have all the ants gone? *Cue Paula Cole

1 May

(For those of you left wondering, my suitcase did in fact arrive on Friday, about an hour after I posted that rant.)

One thing I always have to get used to about being back “home” is the ants. They are everywhere. Mostly they hang out in the kitchen, but once I laid out all my toiletries on the bathroom counter they couldn’t get enough of them. They didn’t really bother me that much until I went to brush my teeth and saw ants crawling around the rim of my Dixie cup. That’s where I drew the line. So I told my mom who set up “traps” all along the counter. These traps were really cotton balls soaked in a mixture of water, sugar and Borax. The sugar lures the ants in while the Borax kills them. That’s almost humane, right?

“Give it some time,” my mom said. “Then you’ll see a bunch of dead ants, but — here’s the weird part — they will disappear.”

This intrigued me. Disappearing ants? So I checked in every hour or so to try to witness this phenomenon in action. First I saw the ants crawling around the cotton balls — a good sign. Then, sure enough, the counter was littered with dead bodies. This is when I should have hung around, but instead found it necessary to eat dinner and watch TV. When I came upstairs a few hours later the ant bodies were gone.

What happened?!

I have three theories.

Theory 1: Some ant survives the poisoning, goes back to the nest and tells all the worker ants about the travesty that has befallen their kind, and they all march up to collect the dead to give them a proper burial in the wall behind the toilet. Ants can carry 10 to 50 times their own body weight, so maybe this theory isn’t outrageous.

Theory 2: The spider who likes to hang out in the corner of the shower sweeps in and has a feast, storing what he can’t eat in the wall behind the toilet.

Theory 3: The ants lying around the counter were actually just passed out, not dead, so they eventually wake up and stagger back to their nest so the ant doctor can treat them or they die in the arms of their loved ones.

I can think of no other explanations — can you?


One Response to “Where have all the ants gone? *Cue Paula Cole”


  1. Ohhhh we are gonna have ants! | Reneedezvous - July 5, 2013

    […] wanted to try the miraculous and mysterious borax solution my mom uses, but apparently borax is no longer available in the UK because it is “mildly […]

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